Grief

Lamentations 3: 1-58 (sorry so long, but it's all good)

1 I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of his wrath.

2 He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;

3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.

5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.

6 He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.

8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.

9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.

10 Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,

11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.

12 He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.

13 He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.

14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.

15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
and sated me with gall.

16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.

17 I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

18 So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

34 To crush underfoot
all prisoners in the land,

35 to deny a man his rights
before the Most High,

36 to deprive a man of justice—
would not the Lord see such things?

37 Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?

38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?

39 Why should any living man complain
when punished for his sins?

40 Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.

41 Let us lift up our hearts and our hands
to God in heaven, and say:

42 "We have sinned and rebelled
and you have not forgiven.

43 "You have covered yourself with anger and pursued us;
you have slain without pity.

44 You have covered yourself with a cloud
so that no prayer can get through.

45 You have made us scum and refuse
among the nations.

46 "All our enemies have opened their mouths
wide against us.

47 We have suffered terror and pitfalls,
ruin and destruction."

48 Streams of tears flow from my eyes
because my people are destroyed.

49 My eyes will flow unceasingly,
without relief,

50 until the LORD looks down
from heaven and sees.

51 What I see brings grief to my soul
because of all the women of my city.

52 Those who were my enemies without cause
hunted me like a bird.

53 They tried to end my life in a pit
and threw stones at me;

54 the waters closed over my head,
and I thought I was about to be cut off.

55 I called on your name, O LORD,
from the depths of the pit.

56 You heard my plea: "Do not close your ears
to my cry for relief."

57 You came near when I called you,
and you said, "Do not fear."

58 O Lord, you took up my case;
you redeemed my life.



I've always loved the book of Lamentations, and tonight these words resonate in my heart. Today has been a hard, hard day, and though I have not been beaten and thrown into a well and left for dead like Jeremiah, my heart has echoed these same strains of despair today.

Our GI doctor is very good, but perhaps he overstepped his bounds today when talking to Emmett, who was alone awaiting the stent procedure. He ventured to make some pessimistic predictions about Emmett's condition. Although we completely acknowledge the gravity of Emmett's condition and understand that the Lord may choose to take him sooner than we wish, he was not the doctor and today was not the time or place to say such things. I fear it did more emotional damage to us, specifically Emmett, than we can handle. He was very discouraged in the recovery area, and it broke my heart to hear the way he talked, so much so that I cannot bear to repeat it here.

We had such hope for this procedure to make eating more bearable for Emmett, but the stent had to be placed such that it keeps open the valve between the esophagus and the stomach. Currently the stent seems to be doing more harm than good, as Emmett has been curled up in a ball in bed all day taking the maximum dosage of medications and barely able to take liquids. Before today the nausea came and went with medicines, but currently nothing keeps it away. A doctor called in another medicine for us to try tonight, an anti-anxiety medicine that happens to have nice anti-nausea and sedative effects that seem to be allowing Emmett to rest finally. It crushes my spirit to watch him suffer and not be able to help him at all.

I feel very much like I could be drowning a the bottom of a well unable to claw my way out. I was about a nanometer away from a complete breakdown this evening when the Lord slipped these words into my heart, "wait for morning." I remembered the phrase, "his compassions never fail, they are new every morning," and I found the passage in Lamentations that has meant so much to me at different points in my life.


21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.



The morning may not bring what I want, but it will bring new mercies, and for that I am thankful. Though he has brought us grief, he will show us compassion for he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to his children. This is my hope for tonight, small though it be, and it has invaded my heart and taken up residence. Tonight I will turn my face to the morning and wait silently for its mercies to find me.